If you’re a parent you know mealtime can be like pulling teeth. You never know what your kids are going to say. One thing’s for sure, they can be hilarious.
Check out these hilarious tweets from parents dealing with their kids during mealtime:
What’s your kids’ favorite food to heat up and throw away? Mine is french toast sticks with real maple syrup.
— Rich Cromwell (@rcromwell4) December 10, 2016
The lies started when I told my kids that Santa’s real and now I can’t stop. They think mommy makes dinosaur chicken nuggets from scratch.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) December 7, 2016
Kid: If marshmallows go on sweet potatoes I think we can put them on other foods too
Husband: No…
Me: Let the boy speak
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) November 23, 2016
If you aren’t prepared to spend 82% of your time at a restaurant reminding your kid to sit down, then you aren’t ready to be a parent.
— Beau Coffron (@lunchboxdad) December 31, 2016
When I want my kids to eat something the best chance I have is to put it on MY plate, where apparently food becomes immediately appetizing.
— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) August 15, 2016
What I say: Eat the whole thing.
What my kid hears: Eat the whole thing in one bite. Gag. Spit it out. End of dinner. Go play with cars.
— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) October 31, 2016
When your kids ask what’s for dinner, the answer doesn’t matter.
They will react like you’re about to feed them marinated monkey butts.
— Daisy Chain (@putyoursisterd1) February 6, 2017
My favorite part of every day is exactly 3.8 minutes after dinner, once my kid has declared he’s “not hungry” then asks for a snack.
— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) January 11, 2017
Wish I was as brave as my kid who just ate zero bites of her dinner and then asked my wife for a snack 6 minutes after the table was clear.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 15, 2015
[waitress brings out the food]
5-year-old: I don’t like pancakes.
Me: Then why did you order pancakes?
5: I panicked.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 21, 2017
The sun will burn through its hydrogen fuel and send all of mankind into a fiery demise before my 5 yo finishes her 3 big bites of broccoli.
— Ashes to ashes (@adult_mom) March 24, 2016
I’m glad we own 10,000 stuffed animals so my toddler can fall asleep cuddling with a jar of peanuts. pic.twitter.com/mIJKNg2DEp
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) May 21, 2017
4yo: You know what the worst food ever is? Poop and pee and this.
*points at the dinner I just cooked*
— The Glad Stork (@TheGladStork) March 6, 2017
My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. She’s now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don’t negotiate with terrorists.
— Tim (@Playing_Dad) January 10, 2013
[At dinner]
Daughter: Daddy, how much of this meatball is meat?
Me: Probably like 90%
D: So it’s 10% balls?
Me: *spits out food*— Tim (@Playing_Dad) January 3, 2016
Hey, parents of an only child considering having one more, know that I just split an M&M in half.
An M&M.
In half.
— ?Vampire Valerie? (@ValeeGrrl) November 7, 2015
Me: I think I ate too much.
4yo: Yeah, but not just today.— Aaron Aryanpur (@aaroncomedian) November 26, 2016
If persuading my kids to eat the dinner I cook every night doesn’t count as sales experience, I don’t know what does.
— ?MamaFizzles? (@MamaFizzles) June 27, 2017
4-year-old: Why do you go to work?
Me: They pay me a salary.
4-year-old:
Me:
4-year-old: I don’t even like celery.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) February 28, 2015
I asked my 1-year-old if she wanted pizza.
She nodded so hard she fell over.
So, yes, I’m sure she’s mine.
— James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) April 30, 2017
6yo: I need to fart
Me: No, we’re eating
6yo: Ok, I’ll just hold it in with my hand
*Farts
6yo: It didn’t work— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 20, 2016
There is little difference between how a horse eats hay and the way my children consume spaghetti.
— Jim Gaffigan (@JimGaffigan) November 22, 2015
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