Heidi Johnson’s came up with a punishment that made her 13-year-old son think twice about talking back. After she caught him lying about doing his homework, Heidi’s son blew up in a fit of rage citing the fact that she couldn’t control him now that he was making some money. Instead of yelling back, Heidi thought it was time for some tough love. She shared her thoughts on Facebook, “The child is going to have a rude awakening today after the words he exchanged with me last night. Not only will he find this on the door, but his mattress stripped, and the toys and clothes that I bought confiscated.”
She wrote her son a note detailing his punishment and posted that to Facebook as well. She intended to only share it with a private group of family members, but accidentally made the post public. Her punishment went viral overnight draw a mix of praise and criticism.
After finding the note, her son Aaron stormed out of their apartment. When he returned, the young man turned over a variety of electronics and other toys he felt he needed to earn before he could play with them. He apologized to his mother and asked what he could do to make up for his behavior.
Heidi wrote up a contract outlining her expectations and had him sign it. Her expectations included,
Do you best in school! I don’t expect a perfect 100%, but I do expect that you do your best and ask for help when you don’t understand something.
Homework and jobs need to be done before you can have screen time.
Jobs are emptying the trash, unloading the dishwasher, throwing away trash you make in the kitchen, rinsing dirty dishes, making your bed daily, pick up bedroom nightly, and cleaning your bathroom once a week.
You must complete 2 chores a day. Each day of the week with the exception of Sunday had a room that we work on cleaning. He has to pick two chores for that room. For example, if it is the living room he can choose two of the following options:
dust
vacuum
polish furniture
clean windows
mop the floor5. Be respectful and kind with your words – no back talking, no cussing at me
6. Keep good hygiene.
7. Make eye contact when being spoken to, and be an active listener
8. Use proper manners.
Around this time Heidi learned that her first post had gone viral. Her Facebook page was quickly flooded with negative parents who criticised her methods. Heidi returned to social media to edit her original post with a justification titled ‘An Explanation to the Open Letter to my Son.’
I see that a lot of people have varying opinions on my letter to my son. It was originally intended for friends, but I clicked public on accident. It’s out there; and I am not ashamed of what I wrote. I am not keeping it out for likes, dislikes, or anything like that. People can feel free to read and take whatever they like from it. Though, I do feel like I may need to clarify a few things.
First, we make verbal contracts with our children all the time. “If you are really good and quiet in here, I will buy you a pack of gum as we leave.” “If you get your room picked up, you can go outside and play with your friends.” Contracts, bribery, tit-for-tat… whatever you want to call it, as parents, we all do some form of them.
I know my parenting style doesn’t work for everyone. From the time he was little, I would have conversations with him on why behaviors were acceptable or not acceptable. I never just said, “Because I am the mom!” Some people didn’t like that. For me, I wanted him to understand it was a safety or respect thing. We never had to super childproof our house because he knew what he was allowed to touch, and what he wasn’t allowed to play with. I never had to worry about him playing with the water cooler or dog bowls.
I also get a child is going to be a child. A teenager is going to push their limits. They are in that developmental stage where one foot is starting to cross into adulthood, while the other is still firmly planted in childhood. He will be a legal adult in roughly 4 years. I cannot send this child into college or the workforce with the attitude of “I’ll get to it when I get to it” when a superior tells him to get a job done. That is the real world. I am even more forgiving than that. I will ask once.. and then give a warning. But when I am ignored time and time again, there are going to be greater consequences.
And people, let’s get serious! I am not going to put my 13 year old on the street if he can’t pay his half of the rent. I am not wanting him to pay anything. I want him to take pride in his home, his space, and appreciate the gifts and blessings we have.
I wrote him a “bill” to make a point. Nothing comes free. Someone is making a sacrifice some where down the line. When I realized he had lied to me about homework, I put time constrictions to his internet access. He, then, informed me I couldn’t control him. He was a free person. How dare I think I had any right to tell him what he could or could not do. He then decided to barge out of my room stating, “Well, I am making money now.”
A lot of you have asked how is he making his money. He is actually a YouTuber, and has managed to makes teeny tiny bit of money off of his videos… Not enough to pay rent or for food. It was never really about having him pay me back; it was to help him gain an appreciation of what things cost. He recognized right away that he couldn’t pay rent, utilities or for food. Once he had time to think about his wrongs, he asked what he could do to start re-earning privileges. I asked him to take out the trash, empty the dishwasher, and reload it. He earned back his comforter and a couple of sets of clothes. And I of course feed him. I won’t make him something special if he doesn’t like what I cook. If that is the case, then he is on his own.
I do ask for his help with things. I am a single mom with a lot of chronic health issues. I don’t ask alot out of him, but just enough to do his part to make my job easier.Here are his expectations- oh so horrifying of me as a parent to have expectations of my child:
Do you best in school! I don’t expect a perfect 100%, but I do expect that you do your best and ask for help when you don’t understand something.
Homework and jobs need to be done before you can have screen time.
Jobs are emptying the trash, unloading the dishwasher, throwing away trash you make in the kitchen, rinsing dirty dishes, making your bed daily, pick up bedroom nightly, and cleaning your bathroom once a week.
You must complete 2 chores a day. Each day of the week with the exception of Sunday had a room that we work on cleaning. He has to pick two chores for that room. For example, if it is the living room he can choose two of the following options:
dust
vacuum
polish furniture
clean windows
mop the floor5. Be respectful and kind with your words – no back talking, no cussing at me
6. Keep good hygiene.
7. Make eye contact when being spoken to, and be an active listener
8. Use proper manners.And, you know what… this hasn’t hurt our relationship. He and I still talk as openly as ever. He has apologized multiple times. He even removed some luxuries from his room that I missed. And… he is trying harder. Just because he is doing things better doesn’t mean he gets everything back in one grandeur leap of faith; he earns a little back at a time. The necessities are the first to be earned back… then, the luxuries.
Again, I am not trying to make a buck off my kid; otherwise I would have sold him to the circus a long time ago 😉 This came down to a 13 year old telling his mother she had no right to enforce certain rules, and had no place to “control” him. I made the point to show what life would look like if I was not his “parent”, but rather a “roommate”. It was a lesson about gratitude and respect from the very beginning. Sometimes, you have to lose it all to realize how well you really had it.